Mixed Feelings

  Acronyms of the day- BMD - Before Mark Died GSG - Game store guy AKA Bossman Sitting here working on my room and I had to stop for a minute and reflect.  Had a FANTASTIC weekend.  And Sunday/Monday were awesome. Things are changing around me and for me.  It’s nice  because my life today doesn’t  look like my life did BMD.  And that really helps me to not think about it as often. So here are some short ADHD friendly updates. I went with Loki to an amazing concert and we rocked out to some 90s music .  I was VERY proud of myself that I stood in the crowd and didn’t just hide in the VIP+ room the whole time.   Yes VIP+ cause I like air-conditioning and good food oh and nice parking. I went to Rockman’s and he left me by myself in the morning to take his car to the shop.  I also turned on his TV myself and played video games over there while he worked.   It was pretty cool.  The biggest accomplishment was that I drove Rockman TH...

 Today has been rough.  The whole getting back to school/work thing in general has been reminder after reminder that the human I talked to the most about all my feelings/ideas is dead.  Lots and lots and lots of stupid feelings water dripping down my face today.  Stupid tears!   *Note to self any event can include talking about suiside.   I hate that it bothers me to hear it, I am a firm beliver that everyone has the right to decide when they are done living this life.  And honestly "Real talk" Mark 100% had every right to leave this world. I hate him for leaving this world sometimes, and other times it is very freeing to know that the struggle that was "us" is over.   There's no revisiting this argument or that fight.  There's no worrying about what he might do next.  It's done how freeing it is for the both of us that it's done. Today I think I hate him for leaving.  It was over.  Our marriage was over and that...

 Warning I write like I talk and I talk how I feel.  If you're looking for perfectly edited masterpieces this is not the place  for you.  Trigger Warnings _  Can I first say I am surprised we call them "trigger warnings" because the word trigger may trigger people to think of guns.  ANYWHO.... Warning Possible triggers: Suicide Death Verbal/Emotional Abuse Childhood Trauma (SA) Horrible Grammar I need a place to write things that's not my Facebook wall. Sometimes the posts will be long and wordy and no way anyone will get all the way thru and sometimes they will be short and sweet.  ("Like me" I say in my cheerful happy voice) And now on with our show.