6 Months Today

 First on a positive note it's the "Month of Erica" or "20 days of Erica" Depending on how you look at it.  My birthday is comming up quickly.   Mark started this thing when we were dating where we celebrated every day for 20 days.


Now over the years we celebrated much less and last year he forgot my birthday all together, but I digress.....


Today is 6 months since they found Mark's body.  6 months he has been gone from this Earth.  In that time I have grown more than I could ever imagine.


I often feel like I am 18 when it comes to the social world.  I never dated (Got engaged at 16)  I very rarely went out with large groups of adults on anything other than a birthday/Christmas party.  But now I have a social life.  Gone are the days I would go home from work and spend from the time I got home until he time I went to bed with Mark. (Or napping)  

Side note I think I used to nap so much because it gave me an escape from spending so many hours 1 on 1 with Mark.  My napping during the work week has all but vanished. 


Speaking of naps... I had the craziest dream yesterday during a nap.  I dreamt that I got broken up with, I was trying to make a plate of food and I kept looking down to find that I was just putting the food right on table... I couldn't plate it no matter how many times I tried.   And in my dream I said "I will have to tell Mark about my breakup, this will be the first time we've talked since he's' been back."   

I haven't had a dream with Mark in it for many months.  So lets hope that doesn't become a habit.  

Anyways I am off track yet again.....

Today is 6 months of many things.  Sadness, loss, changes, freedom, growth, and becoming whatever this new phase in my life is.

Most days I feel "normal" now.  But I would say that not a day goes by that I don't think of something I would have liked to say to him.  Or something I need to tell him. 



P.S. I had a great October 1, and today is shaping up to be an ok Oct 2nd.  Lets keep going for 20 full days of Happy Erica!

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