The push away

I wish love could fit into neat little boxes. 🎁Sometimes I want freedom so badly that I push people away or hide. I don't make future plans. I just want to let it be, to not feel defined by my emotional needs. And yet somehow, in the same moment, I want overwhelming closeness.💜

I want love. I want connection. I want all the grand gestures and soul-deep intimacy and the feeling of being known. So deep!! I want a date on the calendar when I don't know what's next I get grumpy about it. 😾 Very grumpy.... I get grumpy with myself. I start telling myself stories about other people's intentions.

And I have been writing this for a few days and still can't get my words right. 🥺But ADHD fast points.

I love being in love.
I feel lonely sometimes... even sometimes when I'm not alone.
I enjoy the freedom to go be in the streets!

I want to be available to focus on what I have in my life. I don't want to miss anything else that could be important to my life.

Ok, that's all I have for now. I don't have an answer for you, brain, but don't take your indecision out on people you love.

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